Some time ago, Julian posted a write-up of the book Fast Girls where he compared and contrasted the book’s theme of women fulfilling their own desires with that of a previous book, Please, Sir.
The title of his write-up rather tickled me, so I stole borrowed it for a note of my own. We had been talking earlier of what we each of us want, very generally speaking, and how one eventually has to put out very specific calls to the universe in order to focus intention and actually do something to attain one’s desires. And in the process of talking, some very specific calls came into my mind. I emailed them to him under that ticklish subject line, but he bade me post here about them as well.
And as I am an obedient Treasure, herewith is evidence of my compliance.
Earlier in my life, when I had occasion to think about “what I want” — whether out of life in general, out of my career, out of my relationships, etc. — I’ve thought in fairly abstract terms and I’ve typically failed to attach any deadline or timeframe attached to these desires. And in the crush of the quotidian, many of them were quickly forgotten, replaced by other, more urgent matters.
Years later, when I had a brief moment to again entertain the “what do I want” question, I’ve found myself at such a loss that consideration seemed nonsensical. One of those “does not compute” moments where my brain throws up its hands and says “We will think about this later,” where “later” is code for “12th of Never.”
Eventually, in fits and starts, I made some sense of the question. Sometimes I’d hear a faint “click” and realize I discovered something I wanted. Or I’d read about something and a deep forgotten longing would well up inside me, pining for the day when it would be happily satisfied, spurring me to immerse myself in information and fantasy. At first, these occurrences seemed totally random and, therefore, not to be taken seriously. After a while they would go away, but they would come back. Indeed, it seemed like that was my way: I’d fall in love with an idea, read and dream about it, and then forget about it. After all, if they were important, they’d force me to do something, right? If I deemed them important, I’d have done them already, right? I was just being flighty and frivolous and should just focus on what’s ahead of me, right?
Well, it seems the universe isn’t into that kind of force. After all, it has all the time in the world — hell, it is all the time in the world. And as far as what’s “important,” the universe isn’t into such value judgements. Desires, ideas — they just are, and that’s all.
For me, that’s been tremendously comforting: to know the universe doesn’t really “care” in the way we expect other humans to care, but that it reflects our intention if we focus enough and actually do something.
Anyway, all this to say, I’m taking this opportunity to proclaim “This is what I want, and I will have it.”
- I want to be a writer of non-fiction.
- I want to become proficient in calligraphy.
- I want to make something and sell it.
- I want to live simply.
- I want to travel.
Next: List details.
